


It Wasn't Her

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [36]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Amnesia, Angst, F/M, Feelings, Five is in his older body, Five's POV, Implied Sexual Content, No incest if you understand Fiveya, Older Man/Younger Woman, Romance, Season 02, fiveya - Freeform, very little smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25922161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: He knew it couldn't be her. He knew because her hair was dyed blonde, she was wearing make-up, worked in a night club dressed in a skirt way too short, and with her shoulders way too bare, and her cleavage way too revealing, with a wide charming yet fake smile she used on men to get better tips. No matter how similar and soft her brown eyes looked. He knew it couldn't be her.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: What if? [36]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1313192
Comments: 37
Kudos: 147





	It Wasn't Her

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything

She passed him on the street.

The day was dull as he was only gathering the necessary intelligence, he needed to accomplish the assignment. He thought it would be a bit more thrilling to kill a president, but so far it was proving to be just as uneventful and predictable as all his other assignments after a certain point.

He got too good at the job. There was no longer a challenge. Everything he did felt repetitive and although there was certain bliss in that, he couldn't help the growing boredom.

It was a moment really. He saw the woman from the corner of his eyes a bit earlier walking toward him from the direction he was heading to but paid no attention to her mainly because of the hair. Blondes were never his style, and to be completely honest his brain probably thought the woman was a child given how short she was.

However, once she got close he instinctively glanced toward her to take a look. He was an assassin now after all and needed to be always aware of his surroundings. The woman must have looked at him as well since their eyes met for the briefest encounter the way the eyes of strangers sometimes do.

_Rich chestnut brown with a certain sadness_

The recognition shocked him so much, he didn't even have time to lower his eyes and see the rest of her face properly before she was behind him walking away, her feet carrying on her journey not even knowing she caused such a disruption in his.

Five, the master assassin, the best agent of the commission, was utterly shocked by how _similar_ the eyes looked. It wasn't just the color although that was what he remembered the most about _her_ , it was mostly the feeling and expression of the eyes he couldn't explain by ordinary words even if he wanted to.

After what felt like forever his mind filled with memories of a childhood he thought he had long abandoned finally snapped out of it, and the old man turned around to see where the woman headed.

He almost lost her because he kept trying to look for soft chocolate brown hair, but in the last minute remembered and watched as the blonde hair disappeared inside a nearby building.

_The Carousel Club_

Now out of his sight completely, he wasn't absolutely sure it was real in the first place. It rarely happened if he wasn't thinking about something that would trigger it like the apocalypse or his family left at a different time. Occasionally, however, he experienced something close to PTSD recalling his suffering in the apocalypse. Usually, it was when he was alone with nothing to do or thought about the past, but maybe now he was seeing the ghosts of his siblings. It wouldn't be the strangest thing that happened to him, but definitely one of the cruelest ones.

_It wasn't her_.

He tried to tell himself that as the woman was now out of his sight, but the damage was done, and his brain was already linking the woman's eyes to _hers_ recalling all those times _she_ looked at him from under her bangs with amusement, sorrow or wonder.

_It wasn't her._

His head turned to the direction of his hotel, where he was staying awaiting the following days when he would complete his assignment in peace before his departure. A lot of times, he didn't even need more than a day per assignment, but this was a more important one, and the commission wanted everything to go smoothly. So far his days went by the same. He woke up, went for breakfast and coffee, gathered intelligence on his mark, and others who would be involved went for lunch more intelligence, dinner, and went back to the hotel occasionally filling in some drinking, working on his equations, and reading a book. All very dull.

_It wasn't her._

He told himself again looking at the building of his hotel.

It couldn't be. The years were off. She couldn't even be born. None of them were. It was just a woman who had similar eyes to hers that was all.

However, before he could properly think if it was a good idea, he tightened his hold on the time-traveling briefcase he never left behind no matter where he went and turned to the direction of the night club. He still had plenty of time, and he could go for a drink. It wouldn't take too long anyway.

* * *

The night club didn't look any different from any other in the 60s. Older men in suits drinking their heavy drinks, cute women in inappropriate dresses and high heels offering them fake charming smiles, some mobsters, some bouncers, some pencil pushers who hated their lives and didn't get enough sex from their wives. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing too interesting in Five's opinion.

He sat down close to the stage watching a woman dancing on it her face carrying a certain hidden apathy that came from doing something degrading like this for far too long.

'Hello, what can I get you tonight, Sir?' he heard by his left and glanced at the woman.

_It's not her, you old fool._

He knew it couldn't be _her_. He knew because her hair was dyed blonde making it appear almost white and fake not soft and chocolate brown almost compelling him to reach out and touch it the way _her_ hair did.

He knew it couldn't be _her_ because this woman had the warrior paint of a working girl all over her face in the form of heavy make-up which made her eyes and lips appear bigger. _She_ would never wear so much make-up as he remembered her running away and hiding in his room when Allison and Klaus tried to force her to be their guinea pig when they wanted to try something girly.

He knew it wasn't _her_ because this woman worked in a night club dressed in a skirt way too short and with her shoulders way too bare, and her cleavage way too revealing. She wasn't dressed in a modest Academy uniform or blueish sweater with a long sweater that he often imagined her wearing whenever he thought about her as an adult woman based on the only picture he had of her on the back cover of her book. Not to mention this woman was wearing the most ridiculous pair of high heels that must have been killing her tiny feet something he could never imagine _her_ wear in a million years.

He knew it wasn't _her_. She might have the same brown eyes that made his heart speed up just by looking into them as if his heart couldn't tell anymore, and foolishly hoped that _maybe_ …

He knew it wasn't _her_. She might look like her, but the wide _charming_ smile was fake and meant only to appear like she liked him and wanted to be nice to him because it was her job in his shitty hole. _She_ would never fake a smile for him like this. He knew he meant too much for her and her smiles were too rare to be corrupted by insincerity.

It wasn't _her_. It couldn't be. She might have looked a lot like her enough to fool someone else who didn't know her so well, but Five used to be her best friend knowing her inside and out, he reread her book about a hundred times and stared at the picture of her for hours a day wishing she was there or he was back home with her. So no, it couldn't be her. They were in 1963, Vanya wasn't even born yet. None of them were. The woman was a doppelganger, an imposter, a close enough copy but not quite, and at the same time not at all really. She wasn't her. She wasn't his _Vanya._

'What's your name, sweetheart?' he smirked at the woman, the imposter like he bought her bullshit about being nice and flirty knowing all too well it was just an act for her to get better tips.

'Kathy,' she replied with a grimace so unlike Vanya, he knew right away it couldn't be _her_. Not that he had any doubts.

Yet, he found himself replying, 'No, it's not.'

The woman's smile fell a bit as she blinked, but he didn't push her, 'Scotch, my dear.'

She watched him for a moment maybe still thrown off by his comment, but eventually, she nodded and walked away.

Five didn't turn back around to watch her go. There was no point. She might look like her, but she wasn't. She couldn't have been. Vanya wasn't here. She was still home living her life without him.

His attention was focused again at the woman dancing on the stage to the soft music coming from the piano. He didn't remember the song, but he didn't like it. He never liked old songs just the classical ones Vanya could play on her violin. He liked to listen to them while he worked as they created white noise in the background for him to think. Even if at the beginning she wasn't very good at it, it was oddly calming. He never complained about her playing the way Diego or Allison did. His mind drifted back to the time they were kids, their unhappy childhood, which he would still be able to label _the happiest time of his life_. He couldn't believe he bitched so much about it all back then. How little did he know, how little did he suffer compared to what followed? His greatest regret.

'Here you go, Sir,' said the woman and broke his train of thoughts by putting the glass on the table in front of him close to his hand.

He glanced at her again. Still, the resemblance was uncanny. _Her book_ was still inside his pocket, but he didn't feel like pulling it out now to see just how much the woman didn't really look like her. For a moment, he could hope, fantasize, admire her even if she wasn't Vanya.

He took the glass and grimaced at his own foolishness. So unlike him to be this sentimental and unreasonable, 'Thanks, honey.'

The woman nodded and turned as if to leave before she paused asking, 'Do you not like the name?'

He watched her for a few moments studying the unsure look in her eyes. It would be so damn easy to believe it was Vanya though when she looked like this. When she wasn't trying to earn more tips, but when she looked just _ordinary_ , like herself. 'I don't have anything against the name. I just said it's not your name.'

She blinked with a certain level of curiosity her strictly working pose loosen up a bit. This wasn't a part of the job or an act, she was genuinely interested in talking to him, 'Why? Don't I look like a Kathy?'

He took a sip, the bitter taste of alcohol burning his throat in an all too familiar way. He would think it would be too hard to talk to her since she looked so much like Vanya, but he found it all the more engaging to do so because of it.

'Not even slightly.'

She opened her mouth to argue or maybe defend the name when they were both roughly cut off by another female's voice, ' _Kathy._ '

She turned around and Five casually spared the other waitress a glance as she waved at the woman, _Kathy_ , to come over.

The blonde smiled at him apologetically making his chest feel the familiar tightness it only ever did around _her_. When she smiled like that, she looked like _her_ a bit more, 'Sorry, enjoy your evening.'

'Thank you,' he said his eyes never leaving hers and for a moment he felt a spark jump between them as both of them were looking a bit too seriously at the other for it to just be a meeting between an employee and customer.

She was very pretty. It was understandable he thought so since she looked so much like Vanya, and he always found her natural beauty far more appealing than the vulgar one created by too much makeup. The only problem was the hair that he thought was repulsive but that might have been just his preference for brunettes talking.

He took another sip and glanced around spotting her taking an order for another customer frowning at the sight. Her smile was so fake, he couldn't believe anyone would fall for it, let alone she was comfortable enough to give it. Once again he had to remind herself it wasn't her, so he had no idea what this woman thought about her job and what she had to do.

When she walked away to the bar, he could see she still wasn't tall enough to reach the counter properly, and he couldn't help myself but smirk. She was really short. He liked women like that. Preferred them if he could have a say in it.

She walked back to the man who didn't even look at her and then moved on to the next customer. Clearly, he was an idiot for not looking at her. She was really gorgeous even with makeup and hair. Both were temporary issues.

The dress seemed like overkill though. She had to wear it for work of course. All of the waitresses had it, and it was revealing enough to catch Five's interest and make his eyes linger on the bare skin of her arms and legs a bit longer, he still wouldn't mind seeing her in something _nicer_.

During his time in the solitude whenever he thought about _Vanya_ at first it was mainly about missing her. More than anything he wanted to be back home with her and the others. He would give anything to be able to be in his room again with her playing the violin in her room from across the hallway. He missed her. He missed everyone and everything, but he just missed her _more._ Sometimes he wanted her to be there with him horrified that he would wish for her to suffer like this as well. With time due to the life he lived, he became less ashamed and guilty about his wishes and thoughts. What was the point? No one could hear and judge him anyway. Even after he found the book, he mostly thought about Vanya as the girl he left behind with brown hair he wanted to touch every time she made it fall over her eyes and her rare delicate smiles to hid them from their father. He thought about the girl who played for him to help him think and listened to his delusional theories about time traveling. He thought about the girl he left behind breaking her heart by leaving without a goodbye.

_He could easily read between the lines in her book_.

Five only rarely stared at the back-cover photo of the adult woman those first few years. He was still angry with himself and didn't dare himself to believe that he wouldn't actually make it back in time and never get a chance to see Vanya grow up. So he mostly stuck to looking at the front page where she had a picture of her thirteen-year-old self playing the violin imagining what was she doing now and what song was she playing.

However, as more and more time went by and slowly, he started to grow up as well, and his eyes began to wander to the woman she had become.

_She's so pretty_.

His chest turned into a tight knot whenever he looked at the picture on the back imagining her in that blue sweater with her hair a bit wavy now and down over her shoulders and back.

He couldn't help himself but run his fingers over her face avoiding any knowing looks Delores might send him. That image from the back cover, the one he later on frequently stared at or thought in his most private moments with his hand on his dick shamelessly calling out her name, was how he always pictured Vanya to look. The outfit of the woman although _eye-catching_ and causing his thoughts to wander didn't really do it for him. Vanya would never dress like that, she was too soft, too pure, too uncorrupted in his mind for such clothing. Maybe he was being a bit naïve and stupid for thinking of her as an adult but still seeing the little girl she used to be when he himself was no longer the little boy who left her behind, but he couldn't help himself.

Even the women, he usually picked up for himself, carried some resemblance to her. The hair, he could tug and caressed when he took them from behind imagining they were someone else, was always brown close to Vanya's color. Sometimes he even managed to bring to his room, women with brown eyes and pale skin covered by almost too modest or plain clothes since he had a feeling even as an adult Vanya would prefer that over something extravagant. She always said she felt ridiculous when she tried out Allison's clothing for fun after all.

No, he couldn't picture, Vanya all dolled up like this unless it was a dirty fantasy of his in the privacy of his own bed in the middle of the night.

He continued to follow the woman with his eyes despite the differences, he couldn't deny he liked how she looked except for the hair of course.

When a colleague of the woman stepped toward her and fixed the strap on her shoulder, he saw the nervous yet grateful small smile, she gave her. She looked almost shy like even working here, she wasn't used to the attention and didn't really know how to deal with it. Five gripped the glass tight enough to break it.

_She was fascinating._

_It wasn't her._

Even so, he realized at that moment that he felt a specific urge for her.

She must have felt his gaze on her because she looked up.

When their eyes met again, she quickly looked away, but he noticed the small smile she tried desperately to hide before she started to walk toward him.

_Was she interested as well?_

'Do you have everything you need, Sir?' she asked, and even if the question was probably something rehearsed the other women here taught her to ask, the smile felt more genuine than the fake one before.

'No, what time do you get off?' he asked her and watched the light blush appear on her cheeks. She wasn't used to the attention at all.

He could be charming if he wanted to be. Even if he spent the better years of his life living like a savage in solitude, he knew a thing or two about being charming and getting his way with women for information or other reasons even with an old face like this one.

He had only been with Delores for almost forty-five years, but once he joined the commission, he did learn a few things and had a few brief encounters with women. He was bored and curious, and it was always better to fall asleep sweaty and tired than to suffer several hours long insomnia because the world was just too damn noisy. He still couldn't get used to it at times, hearing people and things working, the cities and places alive again when for so many years all he heard was silence or Delores's or his own voice. Anyway, if he wanted to or needed to, he could charm a few women outside of his line of work, always looking a bit like _her_. He was too old to play the denial game. He was crushing on Vanya even before he left, and that crush manifested into a deeper feeling of caring, possession, and wanting something which was denied to him over the years without her. Every woman he had been with carried a resemblance to her. It was what he secretly looked for in his partners and every one of those women even if for the briefest moments acted as a substitute for her. Including Delores despite their deep connection.

This one was no exception apparently.

Despite the interest in him, however small, the woman shook her head and pushed the smile a bit down, 'I don't go out with customers. Company policy.'

She wasn't easy. Good. He wouldn't enjoy it if she was, and he doubted he would even remain interested in her. He liked a challenge. Not to mention the real Vanya wasn't easy either.

'I highly doubt that's company policy, sweetheart,' he told her. The pet names were easier to say out loud than the ridiculous fake name she offered. _Kathy, seriously?_

He gave her a very painfully slow look from head to heels knowing all too well that when his eyes would return to her face it would be crimson again. He was right, and he couldn't help but smirk proudly at himself for causing her to look like that.

Even so, she averted her eyes away and when she looked back at him, she said, 'I have to continue to work.'

'Then another scotch please,' he said and watched her shot him a look a little bit annoyed the way only a woman could be crossed with a man for a moment. But overall, she looked interested and thrilled that he was talking to her. He liked her, and she liked him.

* * *

The night went on, and he could tell he was getting a bit on her nerves with the way he watched her every move.

'You know Chelsey is a really good dancer. You should pay her more attention,' she said as she walked toward him and stood close enough so he would be able to hear her, but not too close so other people would notice they were talking in the first place.

He ignored the comment and rather asked, 'What's your real hair color?'

She looked over at him with a small smirk that made him want to reach out and guide his finger over the curves of her lips, 'Red.'

'No, it's not,' he said with a smirk of his own even if he really couldn't tell if she was lying about that or not. Probably yes, since she seemed to like to push his buttons as well.

It was a while since he flirted with someone for this long.

She chuckled softly and looked back at her woman dancing on the stage, 'You're spoiling the fantasy by calling me out on my lies, you know that?'

His eyes never felt her, and he could tell, she knew even if she tried to look anywhere but at him, 'Personally, I think the fantasy can never be as good or pretty as the real thing.'

Her amused smile fell a bit, but her face softened, 'So what you just meant me, and you want to take me home already?'

'No, to my hotel room,' he confessed without a single hesitation or shame taking great pleasure in the way her cheeks got even more red. By the looks of it, he noticed the color went a bit lower. He wondered if she was one of that small percentage of women that could blush all the way to their chest. He would have to try harder to find out.

'I told you, I don't go out with customers,' she said after a moment probably finding her voice again.

He smirked again, 'Well, I will never come here again. Then my customer status will be revoked.'

She glanced at him the blush fading away and the smile turning a bit bitter as she said sarcastically, 'Ah, so it's a one-time situation then. All a girl ever dreams of.'

'Even a one-time thing can have its perks,' he told her chuckled at the way she rolled her eyes at him, 'Doubt that.'

She went to leave, but he continued, 'Then you never had the pleasure of a really good one-time thing I take it.'

She paused for a moment seemingly shocked and in the need to compose herself. He liked shocking her and making her blush. He was already looking forward to when he would have her in his hotel room and bed.

Finally, she seemed to be able to talk again as she said a bit heatedly, 'I'm _not_ like that.'

'I'm not either,' it didn't feel like a lie, and he wondered just how much he wanted from the woman. One night, maybe an affair until the end of his assignment, more talks? This was definitely new since usually, it was really only for a moment or one-night tops that he wanted to spend time with Vanya's substitutes. Why bother longer with the secondary ones when he only ever wanted the real one? Also when they were done, Five didn't think there was more he could take from them or they were willing to give for that matter which was fine honestly. In his line of work, there was no room for anything _more_.

For a moment, he thought she would agree with the way her eyes carefully ran across his face. He knew he was old, but he could be charming, and given the fair share of women that went with him, he could be enough. She didn't seem repulsed by his age or looks. In fact with the way she lingered a bit longer at his lips or how her eyes watched his hands as he gripped the glass, he was pretty certain she liked what she saw.

However, she caught one of the customers raising their hand at her and shot him an apologetic glance before she walked away again.

He let her and even turned back to the nice dancer on the stage, but he already knew she was the only woman he wanted to take to his hotel room tonight.

* * *

The hours dragged on. He wasn't as drunk as he would have normally been if he was just here for the alcohol. He wanted to take the woman home which meant he had to stay just enough sober to be able to work on her tonight.

He continued to watch her and felt more than proud whenever she glanced at him quickly looking away when she realized he was still staring at her. She was, dare he say, _adorable_ , and more and more reminded him of his Vanya with her shy behavior.

The only problem was that with the adding hours and not enough alcohol in his system, the other customers were becoming insufferable.

'I really need to work. Let me go, please.'

Five watched as the woman tried to get away from one of the drunk customers who clearly didn't understand the English language since he grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her closer.

The man was getting far too handsy for Five to let her deal with it on her own.

'Come on, sweetheart, just one kiss,' slurred the man.

He stood up and walked to him feeling the growing frustration ran its course. He wouldn't have a problem to leave it to her to deal with if she would actually look like she would be successful, but with just trying to talk to the man and get out of his reach, he knew she wouldn't. Not to mention the fact that he was now holding her and calling her pet names made his blood boil more than he would like to admit.

He was never good at sharing. He remembered being punished constantly by being put to the corner after he punched Number Two or threw a tantrum for refusing to give anyone his toys. The old nannies made him stand there for hours, but he wouldn't give in. He wouldn't apologize, and he wouldn't share. Eventually, they would tire out, or dad told them it wasn't worth it and allowed him to leave.

Sometimes if he got too lonely there, he felt Seven come over and take his hand or stand next to him even if she would get punished by the nannies as well although he couldn't ever remember Seven being punished by them. Maybe she was just too nice to end up punished.

Either way, he was never good with sharing, not that he ever wanted to be. Especially when it came to petite women with soft brown eyes. Although it was strange he felt so possessive of her so quickly.

He got between her and the man easily. The guy looked almost startled and confused how did he end up there that fast letting go of her wrist in the process.

Five pushed her behind him, 'I think the lady said to let her go.'

The man frowned at that. Five could read him like an open book for idiots. He was a typical drunk middle age working man in an unhappy marriage, who wanted at least some dominance in his pathetic life.

'The hell? Do you even know what kind of women work here? She knew what she was getting into when she took his gig,' snapped the man and tried to look at her again, but Five moved, even more, to block his view not wanting this poor excuse of a man to even so much as _look_ at her.

'Regardless, she still has a choice to pick the man she wants to touch her,' he said calmly knowing all too well the man would _try_ and fail to punch him when he would say his next words, 'And clearly, she can do better than a loser like you.'

He dodged the man's fist easily. He was too drunk, and Five was a highly trained assassin and before that a real-life superhero. It was embarrassing really, and the man should have known better than to try and pick a fight, but alas alcohol was a great way to gain stupid courage.

The woman still let out a soft startled sound, but he glanced at her with a reassuring look before he stopped the man's second attempt painfully easily twisting his whole arm and pressing his face down against the nearby table.

'Motherfucker! Who the fuck do you think you are? Her boyfriend?!' snapped the man, 'A girl like that has ten old fucks on every finger screwing them over for-'

'You better shut the fuck up,' Five growled at the man lowering his voice feeling a smile, that Klaus once said _scared_ even the scariest ghost away, coming to his face, 'because if you insult her one more time, I will rip your arm and shove it so far up your ass, I will be able to open your mouth and shake hands with you. Got it?'

'What is the meaning of this?' they heard and just then Five raised his head and looked around only to realize they created quite the entertainment since everyone was looking at them. The woman at the stage wasn't dancing anymore and the pianist stopped playing with everyone seemingly frozen in place waiting to see what will happen next.

The woman behind him gasped, 'Mr. Ruby-'

'You're fired! You already caused me enough problems!' the man pointed at her, and Five realized this must have been Jack Ruby, the man who shot Lee Oswald after he _killed_ John Kennedy.

_Shit_.

This was bad. He shouldn't have interfered. He couldn't allow himself to be noticed by anyone let alone important historical figures this directly related to his assignment.

'Sir-'

'Quiet, and you two out of my club,' said the man and looked at Five and the asshole, he still had pressed against the table, 'You're banned for life. I don't need any of this around. Do you hear me?'

The woman didn't seem to get it or maybe she was just that desperate that she tried to argue or plea her case, 'But-'

'Out!' he snapped, and she shot Five a quick look before she rushed somewhere to the back.

'Do I need to call my bouncer?' asked Ruby, but Five quickly let the man go and raised his hand. The last thing he needed was more important to history people involved.

He snatched his briefcase a bit in disbelieve that he actually let it go for once and went to the door hearing the other man's curses and arguing that he didn't do anything and that he wanted to stay in the club.

Five didn't waste time and got out walking to the back door where he first saw the woman disappear. He imagined it would take her a while to change her clothes since even if he couldn't remember what she was wearing it couldn't have been the waitress outfit.

He should have left. He already jeopardized the assignment enough by meeting someone like Ruby and God knows how many people will now remember him and maybe mention him to the police. The woman was a nobody. Just someone who looked like Vanya. She shouldn't mean anything, and he should have no problem to continue to walk toward his hotel like he had originally planned before he spotted her.

_It wasn't her._

However, when the back door opened and the woman stepped outside in a pair of plain jeans and blue flannel shirt at least two sizes bigger than what she should be wearing, he couldn't move an inch. Even telling himself that it wasn't her and that her hair was white didn't seem to silent the tight knot in his chest that appeared at the sight of her.

'Oh, I thought you left,' she said clearly surprised the man was still there pushing some of the fake blonde hair behind her ear with annoyance over the fact that it fell into her eyes like that.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he found himself saying while staring at her choice of clothing. He couldn't help himself. Why? Why was he staring? She was wearing far less in the club, and yet he didn't feel like this back there. Like his chest was being crushed by some invisible tight knot, and he was missing something important in the back of his mind. Why did she look so damn much like her? Why?

She looked up at him at that and frowned a bit before she said sarcastically, 'Well, now you know what time I get off.'

He blinked trying to snap out of whatever the hell was trying to possess him and pointed at the other side of the street, 'Are you hungry? The diner nearby serves food even now.'

She watched him for a few moments before she glanced down at the bag in her hand. It was too big to be just a personal handbag. He wondered if she even had a place to go since she obviously carried all her belonging everywhere with her. Who was this woman? Why did she look so much like Vanya? Why did he care so much? He knew the answer to the last question at least. It was because she looked so much like Vanya that he cared.

The woman nodded, 'It's the least you can do for getting me fired.'

'The job was shit,' he said automatically with no filter.

When she shot him a look, he wouldn't apologize because it was true, but he _might_ have _regretted_ not saying it bit more _gently_. Maybe next time then.

* * *

They ordered some coffee and eggs. It was just them, one waitress, cook, and a lonely driver at this hour in the diner. It was peaceful and made him see the woman in a new light both due to better lighting and her being dressed like a member of society and not some prostitute. He missed the short skirt and revealing top, but found her clothes now somewhat even more fascinating as he knew he was the only one who got a peek from all of these folks at least. Strange. He barely knew the woman, yet he felt incredibly possessive over her, nevertheless. Even if she looked at Vanya, he had been with a few women who looked like her before and never felt like this. What was so different about her?

'You don't look like a woman with no self-respect.'

She almost choked upon hearing that and shot him the nastiest look before she spoke, 'Do you have like only two sides? Silver fox charmer and brutal asshole?'

He smirked at that, 'That should go on my gravestone.'

The woman shook her head but looked a bit amused so he took it as his cue to continue, 'Why were you working in a shithole like that?'

She rolled her eyes, 'It wasn't a shithole. The glasses cost more than my weekly salary.'

'Alright, why were you working in a fancy shithole like that?' he asked cheekily and watched as she sighed pushing the blonde hair away from her face, 'I needed a job.'

'What nothing _literally_ nothing better came up?' he asked skeptically and watched as a sad look cross the woman's face causing him to feel some pity for her even if he didn't know what happened yet.

'It's hard when you don't remember anything from before October.'

He frowned a bit confused and sensing the bad feeling from before return to him, 'What do you mean?'

She played with the food now not really eating, her expression unreadable, but her eyes sadder than before, 'Exactly what I said. I had a car accident and lost all my memories. The woman who ran me overtook me in and gave me a job as a nanny, but her husband wasn't all that happy about it,' she stopped talking for a moment, and Five was actually curious about what happened there before she spoke, 'Anyway, I needed to leave and when you can't even remember your last name it's hard to find a job. This worked for about a week.'

Her face twisted into a disgusted look as she glanced at some of her hair, 'I even dyed my hair for it. Urgh.'

'What color was your hair before? Really this time,' he found himself asking before he could really think about it.

The woman looked at him some of the sadness gone from her eyes, and he half expected her to tease him again before she answered, 'Brown.'

His heart once again speeded up and the thoughts he tried to balance began flying around in a tornado of chaos. He couldn't explain why he felt so ridiculously _excited_ all of a sudden.

_It wasn't her._

It was probably just his stupid fetish for anyone who looked like Vanya which made him happy about the woman also being a brunette.

He swallowed and tried not to seem too caught up on the new fact he had about the woman before he asked, 'So what's your real name? Not _Kathy_ , I suppose.'

He shouldn't have asked. He didn't know why, but a part of him really, really didn't want to ask even if he couldn't explain why. It was rather silly and very unlike him. What did it matter what was her name? She wasn't her. She couldn't be. Whatever name she would say wouldn't make her _Vanya_. Not to mention why should he ask for her name twice now, when he could never reveal his own. It seemed unfair even if they were strangers who wanted to hook up later.

The woman watched him carefully for a moment like she was weighing her options something told him, she didn't trust him with that information yet, and maybe that was a good thing, 'Well, I don't really like my name. Sometimes I don't even know if it's my real name or the first thing which popped into my head.'

'Hm, well, names are overrated at times. A name is not who you are or who you can become,' he said before drinking his coffee.

The woman chuckled, 'That was extra wise, old man.'

'Not that old,' he said automatically although that wasn't quite right. He was very old. Too old for her. He thought she was somewhere around the early thirties.

'Old enough,' she joked, the smile remaining on her face even if it eased up a bit. She didn't seem bothered by their age difference though.

'Call me whatever you want really. If _Kathy_ doesn't suit me what name would?' she asked, and he had half the mind to give in a call her _Vanya_ , but instead shook his head, 'I will stick to sweetheart for now.'

She rolled her eyes but looked better than when she spoke about her past, so he relaxed as well. It was better this way anyway. He wanted to ask her about her past but didn't want the gloomy mood from before or his own feelings to return. This should be simple. Just a nice night with her during his spare time while on an assignment. He didn't do it often. He usually reserved such things for when he was on his leave or without an assignment, but the woman looked too much like Vanya to pass the opportunity.

'And what's your name, stranger?' she asked after a moment as she started to eat again.

'John Doe,' he replied without skipping a beat, and he could tell she didn't believe him with the grimace she offered instead of a smile, 'Are you serious?'

'As a heart attack.'

The woman rolled her eyes and continued to eat looking amused, 'Alright, _John_.'

_No, it wasn't alright._

Nothing about this was alright, and he knew he should be more suspicious and paranoid about it all. A woman who claimed she lost her memories and whose name he purposely didn't want to know. She could be a spy, a trap, someone up to no good. Why did she look like her? Why did she play this game? Did she purposely try to seduce him? If yes, then she did an excellent job because this whole time, he thought he was the one doing all the work and making her to fall for it when in fact it was her all alone pulling the strings. Was she supposed to prove his loyalty to the commission or reveal he was always planning to ditch them and make his way back home? That was a recipe for disaster, yet Five couldn't seem to bring himself to care as he continued to chat with the woman about insignificant things.

'So what is it you do, _John_ _Doe_?' she asked making sure to pronounce his name with some mocking.

Five's eyes stayed on her as he waited for a moment before he said, 'I work for the temps commission.' He never did this. He never revealed his line of work or name, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to shock her. He wanted to shock her enough to see a reaction and be able to tell if she was legit or not.

She blinked at him calmly, 'Never heard of it.'

Either she was the best liar he met so far, or she really didn't know, and given that she wore Vanya's face, he honestly couldn't tell.

'We're basically assassins who travel through the history to prevent anomalies from happening,' he explained and watched carefully as she blinked confused for a second before she chuckled a bit nervously as one would expect a person would when someone told them they were a professional killer, ' _Okay_.'

He needed more information and a different point of view of her.

'Did you try to look for your family? Someone who might know you?' he asked and watched her smile fall completely before she tried to push it back on, 'Carl, my previous employer did, but no one answered any of his announcements in the news or at the police station or hospital.'

She looked at her food rather than at him when she said her next words, 'Maybe I'm just not the type of person anyone would look for.'

_Damn her!_

It was ridiculous. Stupid even and so unlike him to be falling for an act this easily, yet looking at her, seeing her wear Vanya's face and looking so damn heartbroken just caused him to feel incredibly compassioned and worried about her.

He reached his hand over hers and forced the knife she was holding down against the plate.

She gave him a small smile, and he told himself it was just to make her believe he bought it and was falling for her game whatever the hell was the result, not that he genuinely felt something. Especially when she shifted her hand and made their palms touch reminding him of the last time, he held hands with Vanya as he promised her it would be safe to time travel.

He quickly pulled away making sure his other hand was on the briefcase as he stood up to take care of the bill.

He almost wished she would make a run for it deciding it wasn't worth it or it was too risky, but when he turned back around, the woman was still there finishing her coffee and looking out of the window. At that moment, the blonde hair was almost a blessing as he would probably give in to the urge to strangle her or run away himself if the imposter looked even more like Vanya.

* * *

Upon coming to his room, he gave her a way out twice suggesting a cab or that he could drive her home, both times she managed to skate out of it making it look like she was embarrassed to admit she didn't have a home or place to go.

He kept her outside the room while he hid the briefcase inside the hole he made inside the wall when he checked in, and the gun into the mattress.

When he opened the door to let her in, he paused for a moment shocked once again by how much she looked like Vanya. He was even getting used to the fake blonde hair if he was being completely honest even if he still didn't like it.

_It wasn't her._

_But damnit if she didn't look exactly like her._

Now walking inside, she looked unsure, and a part of him wished she would make an excuse and leave while the other thought all the ways he would make her scream tonight wishing he could get her to call out his real name.

She held the bag close to her side not putting it down yet as she looked around, 'It's nice-'

He didn't let her finish and continue with the polite yet awkward small talk. Instead, he snatched her elbow a bit roughly, and before she could say anything else pressed his lips against hers.

He never kissed Vanya, another regret he would probably carry to the grave, so he had no idea how would she tasted or if the kiss would remain the same even after forty-five years. But kissing this woman felt _damn_ good. It was warm, soft but also heated like the both of them needed just that one nudge to give into it all.

He heard something fall to the ground and her free hand appeared on his cheek. Her fingers even if cold were a welcome greeting against his skin and the corner of his mustache.

The kiss was needy, and it was like there was a certain magnetism between their lips forcing them to stay together and only allowing them to part for a short moment before they were glued together again.

Soon, the gravity of the other parts of their bodies appeared as well, as all of the sudden Five found his free hand in her hair burying his fingers in it while he felt her press closer to his chest.

It would be easy to get lost in the sensation, and for a moment Five did, her licking the bottom lip and then demanding her to open her mouth before he pulled at her hair to tilted her head backward to deepen the kiss.

The moan she let out when he did that went straight into his dick.

He let go of her elbow and while their tongues continued to explore each other's mouth, his free hand ran across her back slowly toward her ass where he squeezed her earning another moan which now caused them to break the kiss.

Her hands moved to his suit, and she started to push it down usually, he would make sure to tidy it up, but everything seemed to skip his mind the moment, the woman's teeth lightly bit his lower lip and sucked the spot with her lips.

Her fingers were feverish as she worked on his shirt, and he gladly let her while he moved his lips away from her intoxicating lips to her chin and then neck.

' _Five_!' she moaned, and it was like she poured cold water on his back.

He snatched her hands away from her and before she could try to get out of his hold slammed her against the closed door.

'What-?' she asked confused breathing just as hard as him with her chestnut eyes blown up with desire, and lips red and swollen the perfect image of Vanya he pictured many times when he came imagining she was with him.

_It wasn't her._

His hand was instantly on her neck where he gripped her enough to show he was serious, but still with some reservation so she could speak, 'How do you know that name?'

The woman blinked confused slowly revealing fear either because she realized she revealed something she shouldn't have or because a stranger man was holding her against the door with a hand on her neck.

She swallowed, 'It's…the only thing, I remember.'

Five frowned, 'Don't bullshit me.'

'I'm not!' she said sounding offended that he would even think that before she realized that he was the one with the upper hand.

'It's…I have dreams…sometimes. Of kids in uniforms in a sad house. Everything is grey, sad, and horrible, but when I dream of him…it's… _colored_. I don't know. Sometimes they aren't kids, they're adults, but not him…he's always a boy. He…he's name is Five. I can't explain it, but I know it's his name,' she said, and if he wasn't a paranoid bastard, he would have believed her.

'You're lying,' he said slowly, but the woman shook her head. The worst part was he couldn't tell if she was such a good actress or… _or_ …

'My dreams always end the same with the ringing and with me waking up in sweat,' she looked away, and he frowned, 'Now, I know you're lying.'

She closed her eyes, 'Also…I also see people, adults they're…floating in the air and something is sucking the life out of them and then the moon explodes and then…I don't know,' she looked at him again, 'I hear the ringing I heard when I fell in the alley and then I wake up.'

He leaned closer, close enough to kiss her again which given how upset he felt and how tempting her lips still looked would definitely be an option except he wanted to see her eyes.

Those rich chestnut brown eyes with a certain sadness. He wanted to see them and see through her. Call her out on her lies, and tell her, she couldn't fool him with Vanya's face. He wouldn't be fooled. He wouldn't allow it. But her eyes revealed nothing just genuine sadness and confusion, and he felt repulsed by his own weakness as he pulled his hand away from her neck and stepped aside.

'This doesn't make sense,' he said frowning at the woman. It didn't make sense. It couldn't be right. How the hell she would end up here if she was telling the true? It was a trick.

_It wasn't her._

She nodded looking as devastated as he felt, 'I know, believe me, I know. It's why I never tell anyone about it.'

'Who sent you?' he asked brushing his face. He felt incredibly tired the desire from earlier long forgotten. This was just a trick. They knew he cared for Vanya, they must have, and they tried to use her against him.

The woman blinked and shook her head, 'What? I don't-'

'Who told you this? Who told you who I am?' he asked again looking at her upset that she looked so much like Vanya, and he couldn't bring himself to hurt or torture her to get the information he wanted. He was weak. Vanya was his greatest weakness whether she was with him or not.

_Pathetic_.

'Just go,' he told her, but the woman didn't move, 'What?'

He wanted her to get out and leave him the fuck alone to think up a plan on what to do now. He wasn't going to play the commission's mind games or whatever the fuck the Handler wanted from him this time.

'I said go! I'm going to let you, go to your boss, the Handler or whoever, and tell them I don't like games, if anyone wants anything from me they should freaking tell me-'

'I really don't understand, John. I don't know you, and no one told me about you and-'

He cut her off by raising his left hand and pulling his sleeve out of the way to reveal his Umbrella Academy tattoo.

It shut her up, and he had to admit if she was pretending, she was an excellent actress and would put even Allison and her one-woman performances that they had to attend growing up, to shame.

The woman didn't say anything just kept on looking at his tattoo.

'Just go,' he said and the woman finally blinked at least showing she didn't turn to stone before she said in a way so painfully familiar, Five almost teleported out of the room, 'I draw one on my wrist too, and you found me on the stairs. Everyone else remained downstairs, but not you. You went to find me and found me on the stairs with the fake drawing of the umbrella. I thought you would be upset, but you just brushed it away from my wrist and said,' she paused and said the next words so silently he almost didn't hear them over the sound of his rapidly beating heart, 'That you liked me best because I wasn't a part of it.'

Her eyes looked up at him just as her hand started to reach for him.

He didn't stop her.

That story wasn't in the book. She didn't write stories like that one in her book. She didn't reveal all the secrets of the Umbrella Academy. She didn't write about Luther and Allison throwing heart eyes at each other during every meal. She didn't comment on the kiss they knew Ben and Klaus shared when they were eleven. And she certainly never wrote moments like the one on the stairs when he made her cry by saying she wasn't a part of the academy and tried to make it up to her by kissing the empty skin on her wrist. No, that wasn't a part of the book, and since he knew for a fact the commission didn't know such details unless they had some records or an agent present, she wasn't planted as a decoy to lure him into a trap. But that would mean…that would have to mean…

Her fingers were soft against his face as they mapped the cheek as well as the forehead and corner of his lips.

They were so soft. He remembered how quickly they could move over her bow and violin strings whenever she played for him.

_It was her._

' _Vanya_ ,' he spoke when she pressed her finger completely against his lips.

'It was the name I gave them in the hospital,' she said her eyes softer now but not as sad as before, 'I didn't know if it was my real name or not, or just a word I made up. Sometimes, I still don't feel like Vanya so I try not to use it too much.'

He raised his own hand and circled his fingers around her wrist before he kissed her fingers still pressed against his lips, 'I will call you whatever you want.'

'I don't know what I want to be called,' she confessed, and he pulled her hand away from his lips to lean down and kiss her again this time almost tenderly, 'Don't worry, we got plenty of time for you to figure it out.'

She kissed him back not allowing him to say anything else not that he wanted to. He was done talking. He was done thinking. If he had gone insane and this was just a fantasy so be it, he wanted to get consumed by it completely willing to dive into the insanity. Her addictive kisses stealing all what was left of his rational thinking.

They moved quicker now. Her clothes came off first as she seemed to have a harder time thinking when he sucked the sweet spot behind her ear that made her knees buckle, and his fingers worked quickly on the buttons of her shirt desperate to reveal the skin he saw before.

However, once he moved back to her neck and throat, she got the upper hand by stroking him and sneaking her clever hands into his pants making it impossible to think for more than a brief moment.

It took them a while to get to the bed slowly dropping clothes all over the floor on their way too impatient to stop and separate even for a moment to just take the last few steps.

Everything felt almost too much and not enough, the sounds, the kisses, the touches. Five felt like it was a dream except his dreams were never this kind to him.

He couldn't express the feelings he felt in that moment giving himself completely to the sensations instead, moaning out _Seven_ just as often as she had _Five_. He never had a lover who knew his real name. Then again, Vanya wasn't just some lover, she was his everything no matter of cliché and childish it sounded. He couldn't deny himself it and her anymore.

Afterward, when he had her laying in his arms, he knew it wasn't a dream. No dream ever felt that satisfying or good.

'You should dye your hair back to brown. It will be easier to blend in,' he told her with distaste as he ran his fingers over the long blonde hair covering his shoulder. If he wasn't still high on sex and Vanya, he would have called it the only imperfection of tonight.

With the back of her head laying on his chest he couldn't see her face, but he heard the chuckle and could picture the smile there rather easily now. He couldn't believe he didn't recognize her right away, and yet he claimed she was the only woman he ever loved. _Idiot_.

'You just hate it.'

'That too.'

'Ridiculous old man,' she said affectionately before he heard her let out a soft sigh.

He knew the moment she fell asleep, and he let her have it knowing he wouldn't be able to. Now, that she was resting properly, safe in his arms, he could think about their next move, about how to get out of the commission, and figure out what happened to her. He could think about how to make it out of all of this safe and sound.

They had a time-traveling briefcase.

His powers.

They were once again together.

Maybe they could make it work together.

**Koniec**

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: I wanted to make it more smutty, but angst and feelings got in the way. Thank you for reading and your support. I hope everyone is doing well. Have a nice day.


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